nothing is real til its gone.

A person is judged by the decisions he/she makes. True? I think so. Today is one of those days where I sit back and come to think of the person that is me. Am I where I want to be? Am I the person I think should be? I just had to reject a person, a person whom i believe to have not much significance in my life, only to realize and reflect back on the first sentence of this post. Confused? I nearly am myself. Therefore rather than think with my balls, I preferred to think with the tool that God gave me specifically for Thinking. My brain. At this age, friends are the best and biggest influence in our lives, they're a huge part in my life, bigger than my family..for me at least. Anything more than that, is just a hindrance. So why, God why..do I have feelings for another girl. I, the preacher of anti "onenitism", the loser who has never had a satisfying relationship, plus all the unpleasant experiences coming from the opposite sex, have hit rock bottom. When I reflect back on my life, I guess i've made many many mistakes and I have had to repeatedly tell myself :

Mistakes made me who I am now. I can't say im proud of myself, yet the people around me always seem to think I hold myself in great esteem. so why do I always end up at the same place? I am not misunderstood, nor am I hating life..am I that directionless? If i am, someone save me..I am not sure that this post made much sense, perhaps its just pieces of jargle from my head placed together on an improper jigsaw puzzle. I guess its just the need for me to transfer all those thoughts in my head..